sad moment =(

hmmmm...

sedeynyer...

terpksa snyum n act hepy eventhough hati ni cam x tenteram n x leyh trima...

ive to be strong...

cos saper lah sy nih utk halang sesuatu perkara dr terjadi...

hmmm...

lps satu2 kene hadapi...

=(

Sudden Expression...

its 12 midnight...

just watched a few episodes of Glee...

but lately,

i've been questioning myself...

what is it like to love someone besides our family??

is it like we always thinking about them??

is it like we always feel happy everytime we are with them??

is it like we will keep on missing them eventhough we just met a few hours ago...

or even a minutes ago...

everything that we see through them is like they are perfect in every ways...

i know that nobody in this world is perfect...

but what makes them perfect is us...

and what makes us become perfect is because of them...

so is this a chemistry that people always bragging about???

that we fit each other???

it feels good you know when someone really appreciate us...

and accept us for what we really are...

we got pimples, but they never see it in a bad way...

we are not outstanding in a crowd or popular, but they don't mind it because they like us for what we really are...

they won't try to change us for what we are now...

but of course, if it is a change in a good way, why not change...

when both of us can benefit from that change...

so, what is it like??

my life is not like any other teenagers' life...

i've never been in a relationship before...

well, i did like a girl when i was in high school...

but that was 4 years ago...

is this a puppy love??

but i still remember,

that time,

after school,

i always saw her in a place where we parked out motorcycles...

yeah i rode scooter whan i was in form 5...

but im too shy to have a conversation with her...

everytime i met her, i just smile...

n she did too...

well, i'm just a kid that time..

yup...

physically, mentally n emotionally...

im too timid of myself...

im a bookworm type...

a nerdy...

who am i to catch her heart...

low confidence always strikes me...

untill now...

hmmm...

now i'm studying medicine...

i don't know why i'm being so low self-esteem...

i got the knowledge...

i'm more superior than most of the guys of my age...

yeah in some aspect...

so, when someone really likes me, what should i do???

i dont want to be labelled as desperate or what-so-ever in here...

but it feels nice though...

to have someone really care about us...

hmmm...

i wonder...

if i'll hv a real relationship...

Tibetan test on Facebook

the following link will direct u to the tibetan test in facebook which i think quite interesting to try...

Tibetan Test

well.. yeahh... i got a free time right now... actually not quite free, but im right now resting for a while from reading the metabolism of protein for biochemistry class tommorow...

so the test consist of 4 questions.. the following r the questions n my own answers which i just simply put what came across my mind that time... also ill write down its meaning behind my answer in brackets...

1. Put the following 5 animals in order of your preference:
Cow,Tiger,Sheep,Horse,Pig

my answers:

1st - tiger = (my 1st priority in life is PRIDE)

2nd - horse = (my 2nd priority in life is FAMILY)

3rd - sheep = (LOVE)

4th - cow = (CAREER)

5th - pig = (MONEY)

2. Write one word that describes each of the following:

Dog,Cat,Rat,Coffee,Sea

my answer:

dog = loyal (this is my personality according to that test)

cat = cute ^_^ (this is my partner's personality)

rat = nuisance (this is my enemy's personality)

coffee = natural (this how i interpret sex)

sea = peace (it describe my own life)

3. Think of someone, who also knows you, and is important for you, which you can relate them with the following colors. Do not repeat your answer. One person for each color:

Yellow

Orange

Red
White

Green

so, my answer is:

Yellow = Pojie (someone i will never forget)

Orange = Abg Pin (someone i consider a true friend)

Red = Yah (someone i really love) (she's my sister btw... hahahha....)

White = me; cant think of anyone else =p (your twin soul)

Green = Abg Ewan (someone u will remember for the rest of your life)

4. Finally, write down your favourite number and favourite day of the week.

my answer is:

17 and Friday...

the test said that "your wish will come true on your favorite day of the week having date that of your favorite number"

n guess what?????

17 (which is my favourite number) will fall on friday (my favourite day of a week) which is during my birthday this year that is on june... 17th june will be Friday.... OMG.... is it coincident???? hahahhaha...

anyway, i just took this test just for fun... dont cakap me that i believe in khurafat or what so ever.... hahahha... peace u'all...

I am A Very Stupid Person

a very gloomy sunday...

its winter...

its snowing...

its very cold...

n yet hv nobody to hold...

did a very stupid thing today...

in a few minutes i posted something in my fb...

caused someone to feel pain...

im sooo stupid....

how can i be sooo insensitive...

but yet...

if im not sensitive...

why i have this feeling...

feel soo sad...

feel like crying...

but i guess nobody understand me...

only Allah n myself understand whats going thru in my life...

its hard...

its difficult...

its complicated...

its bcos u r not here...

i need u...

i need u now, tommorow n future...

but i guess i cant hv it for now...

yeah....

its unfair...

at this age of mine...

ive to sacrifice a lot of things....

only for the sake of my ambition...

heart...

why i feel soo much pain tonight...

no mood for studying...

eventhough tommorow that Smenyak Olga want to ask question about histo...

but i cant focus...

i feel like my heart is torn apart...

its like my heart just want to scream out loud...

but it cant...

that action really showed how stupid am i...

but yet...

u always said that u understand me...

in fact, u actually not...

u dont understand what i feel...

in this foreign country...

so far apart from all the people i love...

to do all things by myself...

n worst of all...

cant find somebody who i can share my secret with...

everything have to keep it to myself...

am not sure until when it can hold...

to you...

im sorry...

im a very terrible person...

but yet...

maybe i also miss u veryy much...

but im tired did the same thing everyday...

if u know what i mean...

but u dont hv to worry...

eventhough ur not in my sight...

ull always in my heart...

im very sorry for that stupid things that ive made...

without thinking the feeling of yours...

good night~

p/s: i wont be on9 for a while...

=(

AHHHH...

APA PERASAAN NI....

RASA TAK TENTERAM...

SEBAB TAK DENGAR KHABAR DARI DIA...

MENGAPA SAYA RISAU???

MENGAPA MUNCUL PULA PERASAAN NI...

MENGAPA CEPAT SANGAT DIA LETAK TELEFON??

SAYA YANG CALL...

TAPI KENAPA AWAK MACAM CEPAT2 NAK LETAK TELEFON??

TAK SAMPAI SEMINIT SY TELEFON AWAK...

HAIHH...

PERASAAN...

OOOO PERASAAN...

SY X MO KAMU BERSIKAP BEGINI...

PERGI MAIN JAUH2...

SAYA HENDAK PERASAAN YANG SEPERTI BIASA...

MUNGKINKAh SAYA FIKIR YANG BUKAN2...

HMMM...

HARAP SAYA HANYA BERFIKIR BUKAN2 LAH...

p/s: ya ochen skuchayu tebya.... =(

True Friend

1 tahun

12 bln

365 hari 

 8 760 jam 

525 600 minit 

 31 536 000 saat

(yer.. sy guner calculator)

epy anniversary...

alhamdulillah...

thanks to u Ahmad Dohani bin Abdullah cos be my best2 fren ever...

bkn stkat kwn., abg lah abg paling bertanggung jwb yg sy kenal...

 walopon umur kiter x sebaya, that doesnt mean kiter x leyh berkwn...

sy perlukan seorg kwn yg lg berusia dr sy ( *x nk guner perkataan tua... nnt abg terasa... ekekke) cos pikiran abg dh matang...

 biar lah kiter berkwn ngan org yg matang supaya kiter pon lebeyh matang dlm membuat segala urusan... insyaAllah...

trima kasih yer abg spnjg perkenalan kiter nih abg bnyk beri semangat kpd sy...

sokong sy dlm aper tindkan sy...

n sntiasa doakan utk kesjhteraan sy spnjg sy di negara org nih...

insyaAllah sy akan blk mesia nnt ngan segulung ijazah utk famili sy n utk abg juger..

samer2 kiter kongsi suka dan duka....

thanks once again..

hope persahabtan kiter nih berkekalan dan ikhlas kerana Allah Ta'ala...

insyaAllah..

abg angkat sy "Ahmad Dohani bin Abddulah" =)

20 thn Tua ^__^

hehe.. actually den baru jer pas mndi... rambut x sikat cam bese... surprised btol..

kek dap.. ^__^

.

hepy befday to me... 

epy befday to me... 

epy befday to meeeee...... 

epy befday to me....

 .

 .

 .

 .

 sesi suap menyuap...

hehehe... pathetic giler nyanyi utk diri sndiri... anyway, yesterday was my 20th befday n 1st time celebrate... b4 this, mak just bli kek then saper nk mkn, mkn ah... kalo x silap last year lg besh... beli cake 2 minggu lps befday sy... sbb asyik luper + malas nk bli... wakakkaa....

 .

 awee kalo bab makan peduli aper kamera... hehehe

 .

 .

 tgk mknn saper yg mcm bukit... ekekke...

So, smlm mmg amat berharga bg sy... maseh kat kwn2 sy wat surprised befday party for me... epy sgt2... sy pon x tau nk ckp aper... speechless... rase btol2 diingati... tanx kengkawan... maseh sbb bg card, choclate n organised bnde ni... appreciate sgt...

 .

 some of the mknn yg smpt snap...

 .

 .

 .

 .

 .

 .

 .

 jom makan (style shermakov) (btul ker eja tu?? huhuhu)

sanggup korg masak utk sy... macam2 ade.. cake, smbl telur puyuh, ayam msk kicap, kari ayam, french fries, kopok, sayur... sumer sedap2 blka... sumer mkn pon berselra jer...

 .

 .

 awee in retard mode...

 anyway, gud luck utk exam latin kalian sumer yer this 21... do ur besh... pastu kiter blk mesia samer2 yer... 26 jun... dlm 8 ari jer lg... ^__^

.

.

 .

 .

 

thanx for the present n wishes kwn2... x kan sy luper perkara ni.... ^___^

 

Zachut 1st year... Settled!!

hahah.... sorry geng... dh lamer x update blog... bz teramat ngan colloq... kiut kan meow2 kat atas ni?? kucing ima.. namer dyer shiro... tp dyer x leh dok diam....

at last...

setel sumer zachut...

ke sepuluh2 dh dpt...

the last one is the hardest to get....

histo...

 last minute revise b4 berjuang wat general test chem, n alhamdulillah sumer dr group 13b pass general test ni... *note that even vos concentrate studying*


smlm menghadap buku text histo yg tebal tu...

berjam2 lamernyer...

n pg td....

berjuang...

n dpt pon tanda tgn cikgu tu....

Alhamdulillah...

 ntah aper ntah jd kat sherman.. kata dh ready for chem, then suddenly dyer nyer result *tuuuttt* actually this is not the first time...


now what???

preparing for the bio exam...

this 16th june....

my first n will be my last exam for the 1st year....

will do my besh...

hope to get excellent mark...

Alhamdulillah... all zachut cleared... kesepuluh2 subjek setel.. dh dpt dopus skali... lega...

have to get...

cos i need to apply for scholar...

or loan...

so that i can continue to study in here...

cos i dont have money left...

harap everything will go smoothly...

cam skang....

n arap ia kekal slama yg boleh ke-smooth-an ni....

insyaAllah...

 now, hv to pay for flight ticket kl-moscow fot this sept... bye2 duet... T_T

Sahabat...

I just read my phone msg n i noticed theres a msg that i didnt read... the msg was on 8.37 am on 20/02/2010.... ia nyer tertulis:

Ya Allah,
ini sahabatku,
Mesra kami penawar duka..
rindu kami menambah cinta,
rajuk kami membuah ceria,

Ya Allah,
silaturrahim kami ukhwah fillah,
bermusuh kami na'uzubillah,
berpisah mati, insyaAllah

Ya Allah,
Sahabatku ini kesayanganku dan
kekuatanku,
Rahmati kami meniti usia,
Terpisah kami di alam nyata,
Temukan kami di Taman Syurga...

Kepada sender of this msg... tanx... cos still anggap me as ur fren after what i did to u... i know im a terrible fren... i admit it... but ill appreciate more every relation yg sy dh jalinkan lps ni... x kire ah kwn skolah rendah, high skul n others... tanx for this msg... almost cried cos of this msg...

Eta Dlia Vas ESEESZEE...

Ya deistvitelno sozhaleyu ESEESZEE...

esli ya narushil vashi serdtsa vo mnogie melkie kusochki...

no po pravde skazat, ona takzhe slomal moi...

ya prosto khotela, chto yz magu povernut vremya...

i ni dumal, chto glupiy..

Ya deistvitelno sozhaleyu ESEESZEE...

shto ya vzyal eta glupoe deistvie...

ni dumaya, shto proizoshlo budut v budusyem...

ya izvihayus...

shto vi dolzhni stradat iz-za moih nizrelikh miclei...

ESEESZEE...

teper...

mi oba stradaem...

nivinosimoi boli...

shto ya magu sdelat dlia vas prostit menya???

ya budu delat eta nezavicimo at togo, shto....

Ho ya znayu, kto vi ESEESZEE...

vi ni buduete prinimat menya za to, shto yz sdelal...

ya hi prashu vas prinat menya vash spetsialniy chelovek...

no ya prosto ni khatitie noteriat tebya...

ti ochin mne dorog...

ti maya pervaya lubov...

ya nikagda ni zabudu o tebya...

ESEESZEE...

ya ponimayu, esli vi ni khatitie menya kak spetsialniy chelovek bolshe...

ho, pazhaluista, primite menya, kak tvoi drug...

potomu shto ya ni khatite, shtobi razorvat sviaz sryzhbi bila sozdana, shto..

sem mesyatsev nazad...

Ya izvinayus ESEESZEE...

ya slishkom napugani, shtobi rasskazat vam pravdu...

ya dumayu, vi znaete menya dostatochno kharosho...

shto r, kak eta...

Terima Kasih....

this entry i just want to thank for those who r concerned about me.... i really appreciate it.... i nvr thought that theres many people out there that do really care about me.... thanx for ur time n ur kindness... but as i mentioned in my previous post (entry: KOSONG), ill only share the tell the real thing to my mother only... im sorry guys if i didnt share to u what my prob is... i know what u guys want is for me to be happy n u guys dont want me to suffer n carry the heavy burden alone.... so, once again, tanx but no tanx...

anyway, i got a comment from anonymous on that entry... well, anonymous, i think u should at least leave ur nick name cos its hard to address u as anonymous (keep on slh eja). Ur comment i think has deep meaning... ill try to figure it out.... but thanx anyway for ur concerned...

so, what im trying to post in this entry is just to tell u guys that:

insyaAllah ive a strong inner will like my mother hv...

ill keep my head cool n be patience slagi bole...

ill try not to think about it too much....

i know what is my main reason to be here in Moscow...

i know what is more inportant....

so, dont worry about my study....

insyaAllah it will not be affected....

but, ive a ques here to Anonymous....

do i hv to sacrifice in order to achieve something???

eventhough it only hurt me n people around me???

if i hv to sacrifice it, then that means we have to lose something in order to gain something???

isnt it unfair if other people gain everything without sacrifice anything...

n lastly, r u sure kalo sy sacrifice, bende yg kiter arap kan akan berada dlm genggaman???

pls correct me if im wrong....

lastly, kpd mereka yg phm psl entry KOSONG sy tu, i guess ive to make a sacrifice... a big one... biarlah masa yg menetukan k... insyaAllah we'll meet someday.... ill nvr forget about THE PROMISES....

KOSONG.....

why i chose it to be like that???

why its gone???

or maybe i just lied to myself???

then, why i chose to lie???

why it happened to me???

arghhh!!!

hate myself!!!

hv nobody to trust anymore...

mak, only u I trust....

cos ur love is infinite...

u will nvr lie to me....

mak...

i really need u now...

cos i cannot bear it alone....

only u i want to tell what its all about...

cos i know....

that u ill always there by my side....

daadaa sem 1 ....

so, its hv been 4 months im here... many things ive learned in here... n still a lot more to learn... actually technicall my 1st sem already finished a week ago, but due to my anatomy lecturer always bz, my group hv to extend our class.. so, basically, we finished our class just this friday... so 3 weeks winter break only lef 2 weeks only... poor us :-(

anyway, still glad that ive pass this sem with no prob.. i even got automatic 5 for my Philosophy exam which is the highest mark... alhamdulillah.. syukur sgt2 :-)

so, next sem is where my nigtmare officially begin.. i still remember when i was doing my foundation in MSU, s alam, my bio lec said that my true nightmare will officially started when i learn about something related to metabolism (its about biochemistry) we learned n hv to memorised the phosporylation of pyruvate.. then kreb cycle... haishh.... at that time only Allah know how that thing can make me go cray (still sane here :-P)

well, such a relieve that things hv passed but with a poor result on my exam.. score B+ only for my Bio... well that time im still not used to Uni exam system... so, my first sem result during foundation not so great... n thats the reason i cant score 3.8 n above.. just got 3.79 :-P hmmm... let bygone be bygone... sumer perkara ade hikmah nyer :-)

anyway, got 2 more weeks for my holiday b4 i start my 2nd sem... so, in 2nd sem, ill learn these subjects... hope i can do well in my kontrol, colloq n not to forget my exam... pls doa2kan lah yer supaya sy dpt wat yg terbaik n everything goes smoothly :-)

1) russian language

2) latin language

3) philosophy

4) History of medicine

5) biology

6) anatomy

7) histology

8) chemistry

9) mathematics n physics

10) physical training

hope can excell in all above subject n can go back malaysia with all 5... insyaAllah.. will do my best... :-)